Thursday, June 29, 2006

Reason #641 why modern art is dangerous

So I was walking over to the Thursday market in the Pearl District, and I saw what appeared to be a green purse hanging in a tree, with a paper tag attached. Hmm, interesting, I thought, that must be someone's conceptual art installation. Next week is First Thursday, maybe someone's getting a head start or whatever. So I stopped and reached up and grabbed hold of the thing, to get a better look at the tag and see what it was all about. Most of the time they don't bother to explain the concept behind the art, but you never know. Maybe the real art's inside the bag, waiting for an inquisitive person to find and discover it. I've heard of people doing that, so it wouldn't be all that surprising. Or maybe it's an invitation to a really super-elite art party that only the cool people know about, and looking at the tag is the test to see if you're cool enough.

So I got a look at the tag. It read BAITED INSECT TRAP! Gaaah!!! So I hurriedly let go of the thing, brushed my hands off, and went to look for somewhere to wash off all the nasty chemicals. Drat! I hate not being able to tell when something isn't art.

The worst part is that now that I think about it, I still can't be sure the thing isn't someone's conceptual art. Maybe "Baited Insect Trap" is actually the name of the piece. Maybe there's even a secret camera trained on it. Maybe the whole episode was caught on film, so absinthe-guzzling art snobs in black turtlenecks all across the globe can snicker condescendingly at my distress, and call me a rube for not immediately intuiting what was really going on. Maybe it's even on YouTube now. Artists can be incredibly vicious that way, and I woudn't put it past 'em. The effete little bastards.

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