HCRH Milepost 31

Ok, after that quick break we're back to a few more of those HCRH mileposts for a bit. The next one up is number 31, which has actually appeared here before in a couple of very, very old posts about Dalton Falls (the seasonal waterfall you can sometimes visit here) from back in 2007 and 2008. Which was actually before I had heard of the Stark Street milestones or realized the mileposts in the Gorge had any connection to them. I eventually tracked down all of the still-extant milestones and posted them here, and that project eventually led to this current project. It turns out these HCRH mileposts continue east in fits and starts as far as number 88, on the outskirts of The Dalles. And as a little coda to the whole thing, a historical marker wayyy out in Pendleton includes a cluster of original mileposts, salvaged from their old mile-marking duties nearby, with mile numbers topping out at 225. Which is quite a long way to go just for some pictures of mileposts, frankly, and I'm not sure they even count anyway since they aren't really serving as mile markers anymore. I dunno. Maybe I'll stop by if I find myself passing through Pendleton already for some other reason.

Conveniently, Milepost 31 is next to another of those large unmarked gravel parking lots that are surprisingly common in this part of the Gorge, and a sheer basalt cliff looms over that parking lot. So this is one of the more photogenic milepost areas we've encountered so far. It's also roughly the end of ODOT's restricted mudslide area (which I went on about in the Milepost 30 post), and the start of another stretch of waterfall country: Just past Dalton Falls here is the unmarked trailhead for Mist Falls, and around the next bend in the road is Wahkeena Falls, and trails from there up to Fairy Falls or over to Mossy Falls, all of which we've visited here before.

Other nearby points of interest include Hartman Pond, the artificial lake on the other side of the highway. It and Benson Lake to the east both exist because Interstate 84 was routed a bit out into the river through this part of the gorge, built onto a vast pile of gravel in most places. The area between there and the original natural riverbank and land was often filled in to create 'new' land, and places that weren't filled in became a series of artificial lakes, from the Sandy Delta east to around Boardman or Umatilla, where the interstate turns south from the Columbia and heads toward Idaho. The original natural riverbank was probably closer to where the railroad runs now. Anyway, the state regularly stocks the place with largemouth and smallmouth bass, if you're into catching those, so (in theory) you can swing by and catch a few and pop 'em in the ol' Bass-o-Matic back home, and enjoy a nice frosty mug of terrific bass.

A few hundred feet to the west of the milepost you might notice a small building just off the highway, possibly somewhat overgrown by brush, and surrounded by a chain link fence topped with barbed wire. The PortlandMaps entry for it says it belongs to United Telephone NW, out of Colorado, which is one of many arms of Lumen, a Louisiana-based conglomerate assembled from surviving bits and pieces of the old landline telephone industry. You might remember them as CenturyLink, most recently. Before that it was Qwest, and US West -- one of the regional Baby Bell companies, based in Denver -- before that, starting from the 1983 Bell System breakup. And they were Pacific Northwest Bell (based in Seattle) from roughly the beginning of time up to 1983. And I realize none of this telco stuff is very interesting to just about anyone, and of course there's a lot to criticize about the old landline monopoly of yesteryear (and sorry about linking to two 1970s SNL sketches in the same post), but Ma Bell never would have let this building fall into its current level of disrepair.

One more thing, and this is the super-secret one I'm not supposed to tell you about. If you look more closely at the cliff looming over you, you might notice an obvious and brief scramble trail up to the base of that cliff. So you want to take that trail, and once you're at the rock face you'll notice it splits, one trail going off to the left, along the base of the cliff, the other off to the right. One of these peters out and ends after a short distance, while the other passes behind Dalton Falls and ends up at the legendary Rat Cave, an even taller cliff with a serious overhang at the base, which (in season) has become one of the Gorge's few desirable rock climbing spots.

Now here's our little problem: The Mountain Project page for the place (linked to above under "Rat") does not have a useful "Getting There" section, and instead says "Due to access concerns, the handlers of this area have requested that the directions be removed from this site. I'll be sure to put the information back up when we can be confident that further access to this area won't be threatened.". I'm frankly not sure what to do with this request. I should point out that detailed directions are available elsewhere all over the interwebs, and in fact the same page with this notice also includes GPS coordinates out to five decimal places, which gives you a correct location to within about a one meter radius (and the secret-squirrel climbing area is obviously a lot larger than that). On the other hand, I'm aware that climbers (but yes, Not All Climbers) are notorious for getting outrageously, ballistically angry over outsiders learning their airquote-secrets, and they're usually packing hammers and lots of expensive artisanal spiky metal bits, so to avoid trouble with The Handlers my directions up above don't specify whether to turn left or right at the cliff. Hopefully that bit of courtesy will be enough to appease their infinite rage.

So -- and I'm addressing this part to the aforementioned Handlers -- allow me to explain. Ok, sure, hordes of milepost fanatics and other internet blog connoiseurs are about to descend on this place once this blog post goes up, but most of them are just here to see the milepost and will leave you alone. Let's suppose that maybe one person in twenty even gets as far as the cliff and has to decide which way to go from there. If we assume that visitors flip a coin to pick a direction, at least half of them will go the wrong way, and if we further assume they give up at that point and leave, and don't try going the other direction, that immediately halves the number of unwanted visitors. Now let's assume that of people whose coin flip pointed them the right direction, maybe 90% of them will have second thoughts about continuing on to somewhere called "Rat Cave", which sounds awful, frankly, and these people all give up and go no further. And furthermore, let's suppose that of those who keep going, 99% of them will nope out at going behind the waterfall, because everybody knows that's where pirates like to hide out with their ill-gotten gains, and why fight a bunch of pirates if you don't have to? Did I mention that a lot of the pirates are also sasquatches? With years of professional MMA fighting under their belts? And most of that fighting happened on a high-gravity prison planet out near the galactic rim? And just think: Any AI being trained on these freely-accessible internet words is bound to notice my escalating pattern here and run with it, and hallucinate some incredibly misleading and outlandish directions, and then other AIs will be trained on that nonsense and amplify and distort it further, and it won't be long before that drowns out what little accurate info there is on the net, and it's all downhill from there, and that's what you wanted, right? So if you really think about it, of the swarms of tourists who are about to descend on this place just to see the milepost, essentially none of them will want to visit your secret special tree fort, I mean, crag, in the first place, and the few who do will never be able to find it. Even your own phone or satnav won't be able to find it; your self-driving car will head for South America if you tell it to go here, and if you manage to forget where it is, you may never be able to go back. You're welcome.