Monday, March 13, 2006

In Darkest Jesustan

The theocrats are on the march again.

Here are two more news articles by distant out-of-state fundies who want to tell us all how to live. The Southern Baptists and the "Focus on the Family" clowns would both like to order us around in the matter of physician-assisted suicide. They're hundreds of miles away and have almost nothing in common with us, but that's never stopped them before. Adverse Supreme Court rulings don't stop them, and basic common decency doesn't stop them. And if the voters stop them, they'll just ramp up on establishing a theocracy, so they don't have to pay attention to those pesky voters anymore. Think I'm joking? Here's a recent poll of South Dakotans about the state's recent near-total abortion ban. The public does not approve, but inconvenient little details like that don't matter any more, not when you alone possess the Absolute Truth and know exactly how everyone ought to live. As of right now, SD residents still have access to detailed abortion info on the net. It'll be interesting to see whether the state tries to crack down on that as well.

We aren't quite ready for a theocracy yet here in Oregon, but the state legislature in Missouri is seriously thinking it over. Since they're half a continent away, not here, and not next door, I almost wish they'd go through with it, just for the sheer spectacle of the thing. I doubt they've thought this far, but it's obvious that mandating a generic "Christianity" is going to be a real problem. Sooner or later you're going to have to come up with a strict legal definition of who is a real Christian and who isn't. Otherwise, pragmatic unbelievers could simply proclaim themselves Unitarians and continue on as before. Which clearly is not what the bill's sponsors have in mind. The usual suspects will no doubt be excluded right off the bat: Unitarians, Mormons, Catholics, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, and so forth. Because you certainly don't want any of them conducting your mandatory school prayers. And the Baptists and Methodists and Pentecostals can't possibly all be right, and we sure can't have the schools teaching a false (and therefore Satanic) religion, so the government will need to pick one, and enforce it ruthlessly. And even then, you need to constantly be on guard against rogue Baptist (for example) ministers who stray from the state's approved theological guidelines. Otherwise, the term "Baptist" would rapidly become meaningless, and we can't have that. You'll most likely require a sort of Baptist pope, or at least a college of cardinals, who call all the shots and whose word is Law. And if his/their word is Law, having a separate governor, legislature, or court system would be basically pointless.

Sure, let them do that. And once they've done that, and other states in that part of the country have done the same thing, let them all secede, and good riddance to them. Let them have their Jesustan, so far as I'm concerned, just so long as they leave us blue-state folks alone. At minimum, this would mean making sure they don't have the bomb, because they can't be trusted with it, any more than the Taliban could be trusted with it. Splitting things up might be tough, but at least they won't fight us for custody over the Bill of Rights. That much is pretty clear.

I wonder what our spineless Democratic politicans would do if that ever happened. They're so used to being squishy and spineless and following the hard-right R's around pathetically bleating "Me too! Me too!" all the time. They've got no strategy other than figure out what conservative R's are for, and postion themselves a full 3% different to either side. And they're always in a headlong rush away from their base, because somebody told them it looks "statesmanlike" that way. Without R's around to model themselves on, our current D's would be completely lost. Look at the current controversy about the attempt to censure GWB over his domestic spying campaign. His approval ratings are in the dumpster, and the wiretap program looks to be about as unconstitutional as they come, but still they're terrified to stand up and criticize the guy. And they still -- for some reason -- expect to do well this November, even though the polls haven't shown a big groundswell of support for Democratic candidates. Here's a clue: If party X is unpopular, and you want to beat them in the next election, your first step ought to be to stop modeling yourself on them. Otherwise you'll be as unpopular as they are. If Democrats really want to win in 2006 (and I'm not convinced they do), they'll need a crash course in how to look and act like winners between now and then. I'm not holding out a lot of hope about that.

On a somewhat lighter and more surreal note, check out this article about GWB and his precious Oval Office rug. I don't know why he bothers. I sure wouldn't buy a carpet from the guy.


  • Regarding the burgeoning censure-the-bastard-already movement, permit me to direct your attention to a good article over at Vichy Democrats.
  • Also, see this good post about fundie elitists over at Preemptive Karma.
  • The Nation has a great article up about the censure controversy, and the dismissive reaction it's gotten among the beltway insider community.
  • And you may have seen the recent Doonesbury about "situational science" already, but here it is anyway.

Updated II: Sandra Day O'Connor uses the 'D' word, where 'D' = "dictatorship". The US media's studiously ignoring this story, but here's an account at The Guardian.

Updated III: A scary example of the sort of thing that gets published, in this allegedly modern day and age, in local newspapers right here in the Pacific Northwest. A columnist for the Kitsap Peninsula Business Journal argues, with a straight face, that slavery was God's will. This is the same Kitsap Peninsula that's home to the big Trident nuclear sub base at Bangor, and the big navy base at Bremerton. What was I just saying about not letting the Jesustanis have the bomb?

Updated IV: A few bits of theocracy news, this time from Florida. The first item involves Katherine Harris. Yes, that Katherine Harris. An article about Rev. Kennedy and his ideas, for those who aren't familiar with the guy. And then there's the creepy guy from Domino's Pizza, and his plan to start an 100%-pure-Catholic-or-else town near Naples, FL. Oh, and the state has its own legion of nutty creationists as well.

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