Friday, March 17, 2006

No Name


I couldn't think of a good title for this post, so instead I picked a rather stupid one. But not a completely meaningless one, as you'll see below

Here's an image of a distinctly double-helix-shaped nebula near the center of our galaxy, taken by the Spitzer Space Telescope. There's two ways to look at this. Normal people like me just go "cool" and wonder how it got that way, while the inhabitants of conservative never-neverland just froth at the mouth about a conspiracy of evil liberal scientists making the whole thing up. Ok, I haven't actually seen them do that yet, but it stands to reason.

And here's the latest weird extrasolar planet, which (according to researchers) is a huge ball of ice with a mass roughly that of Neptune. Here's a link to the researchers' paper, for those who prefer original sources. It occurs to me that, until quite recently, the Earth was actually the largest known solid object in the unverse. Since the Earth's the largest (known) solid planet in our solar system, and we were unaware of any bigger ones elsewhere, so there you go. I mean, this is not counting bizarre stuff like neutron stars, and even they're smaller if you're just going strictly by diameter.

An article at Tom's Hardware discussing one of the greatest movies of all time, TRON, including a long interview with the director.

Two previous articles of mine discussed (or possibly just babbled about) the weird world of transfinite ordinals. You'll probably want to read those first, that or just skip this item, because it probably won't make sense otherwise. I had just a couple more tidbits I wanted to pass along. The mysterious Church-Kleene ordinal, or w1CK, was discussed in connection with Turing machines, as the limit where all recursion finally runs out of steam. Which is part of the story, but it turns out that the same number is also the first example of something called an admissible ordinal. Which is an intriguingly positive-sounding name, since the Turing machine discussion made w1CK sound like a frustrating barrier, not something "admissible". It turns out the name just derives from these ordinals' connection with admissible sets, something I'm still hazy on. But w1CK is just the first one (after w, anyway), and the sequence goes on endlessly from there. And "admissibility" is by no means the strongest ordinal property. Here's a well-written paper I ran across, giving an overview of the esoteric and difficult field of proof theory. It even has a few diagrams, which may be really helpful for people trying to understand the subject. Beyond the admissibles, several additional types of ordinal are discussed, each a sort of recursive ordinal equivalent to a variety of large cardinal. Recursively inaccessible, Mahlo, and supercompact ordinals all make an appearance. The paper offers the names iota_0, mu_0, and kappa_0 for the first ordinal of each variety, adding to the already-rich, exotic bestiary of incredibly huge numbers "out there". Here's another paper that uses mu_0.

Ok, switching gears completely, here are two humor blogs I came across recently: Smile of the Day and Jokes & Humor Online.

A few new animal species to report: , a new grasshopper in Malaysia; , a shark in the Sea of Cortez, and , a.k.a. the Scott Bar salamander, which is about to lose its California habitat to logging. Seems that once the state realized it was a new, separate species, they decided that meant the state's raft of regulations protecting previously-known salamander species didn't apply anymore, and P. asupak habitat was fair game for clearcutting. Now there's a choice bit of self-serving "logic" for ya. Some photos here -- see 'em while you can...

And finally we get to the bit where I explain the title of this post. Here's the official website for No Name, a boy band from Montenegro (WP article here), in the Balkans. They were going to be Serbia-Montenegro's official Eurovision 2006 entry, but the choice spawned a huge controversy, complete with inter-republic ethnic tensions, and now the country's sending nobody at all. Did I mention Montenegro's thinking about seceding? They'll be voting on May 21st. However that turns out, I just hope we don't end up with yet another Balkan war to sort out. Back when Milosevic ran the show in Yugoslavia, I kept hoping Montenegro would secede, since I figured it was the only way to escape a dictatorship that showed no signs of weakening. They always seemed to be right on the verge of seceding, but they never quite did. Now I don't know what to think about the whole thing anymore.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Kiwaidagain


As your Unofficial Kiwaida Headquarters, I have a few more Kiwa hirsuta links to pass along, in addition to the existing list I've compiled, ever so painstakingly. (Also, here's my original post where I first mentioned the creature.)

BTW, today's image is the same Kiwa pic you've seen everywhere, except rotated 180 degrees. I'm left-handed. What can I say?

  • Here's the official news release from MBARI.
  • A blogger from Canada says I may never SNORKEL AGAIN.
  • From a post titled "Cutie pie Kiwa": I want a Kiwa of my own!! I can dress her up and try all kinds of hairstyles on her. She'd be like a Crustacean Barbie!
  • Another blogger asks "What does a lobster in drag taste like?". A: "Chicken. I bet it tastes like chicken."
  • The Waffling Anglican speculates: "Or perhaps it is trying to imitate a mammal to avoid being eaten during Lent." That hadn't occurred to me, but now that I think about it, I rather like the idea of a religious practice causing an evolutionary selection pressure. What would Pat Robertson have to say about that, I wonder?
  • Be sure to read the user comments at Swim at Your Own Risk ...
  • ...The Irish Trojan's Blog...
  • ...and Mo-Licious.
  • Pink Porcupette describes it as "a cross between a tick and a blonde gorilla". Yeah, I can see that. Although in tick terms, it's alarmingly huge. Yikes!
  • Another blogger sees it as a cross between a tick and a gibbon.
  • Angry and Sloppy calls it a "crabster". To me, that sounds like an appetizer at Applebee's, some sort of extruded, deep-fried, unidentifiable seafood nodule, slathered in a cheeselike sauce. Someday I'll write about my one and only trip to Applebee's, but right now the trauma is still too fresh.
  • A post titled "OMFG HAIRY LOBSTER", subtitled "Hairy Lobsters will Rule the Earth". So now, when the worst inevitably happens, you can't go around pretending you weren't warned.
  • Two posts from people who like the "crustacean goddess" angle of the story.
  • Univeral Hub links to a number of other good Kiwa stories.
  • My Life As A Bus lumps poor lil' Kiwa in with things like 3 headed frogs and 6 legged lambs (pics of both included), which I think is just a tad unfair. The kiwaida is supposed to look like that, after all.

Who Wants Ice Cream?


[A nice picture of Santiago de Chile and the Andes -- thanks to Marce for sending me the link. Some more images of the city here. Not related to the rest of this post, but I just wanted to pass it along anyway.]

I was going to rant about Ted Kulongoski today, but I'm not in a sufficiently sour mood to really pull it off. I mean, by all accounts he's a very nice man. Kind to animals, a friend to all, always has the very best of intentions, and all that. When he goes to Iraq with other state governors, he makes sure they all have ice cream cones. So he's definitely every kid's ideal grandpa. That much is clear. But governor? I've never figured out why he wanted the governor's chair. Maybe just to collect the whole set, I dunno. All I know is that whenever I see the guy on TV, bumbling around cluelessly in yet another goofy publicity stunt, I end up shouting out "Who wants ice cream?". Which I realize isn't very good of me, considering what an impeccably nice person he is.

Also, he's a much better bowler than I am. I have to give him that.

In the end, he'll probably get reelected regardless, following a somewhat close shave in the May primary. The R's will undoubtedly nominate yet another cross-burnin' Jesustani knuckle-dragger, maybe even Mannix again (but only because Sizemore isn't running), and Teddy will slink back into office as the lesser of two evils, with much emphasis on lesser. Which is the usual way D's eke out victories here. But hey, we're a minor-league state. We don't have a deep talent pool to draw from.

So anyway, like I said, I'm not going to go off on a rant about Mr. Nice Guy today, not at all. Instead, here are a few random fun tidbits, some of which I found on ORblogs, others not.


  • Some examples of a photographic technique known as tilt shift, which lets you take a real photo and make it look like a fake model. Freeeaky...
  • Speaking of, uh, fake models, here's a tidbit about Jessica Simpson's snub of GWB. By doing this, she's taking a far stronger stand than oh, say, Ted, for example. But no ranting, sorry. I mean it.
  • The American Cheese Society is having their convention in Portland in late July. Who wants cheese? I want cheese. Mmm.... Cheeeeese......
  • As if we needed more evidence why hockey is the One True Sport, the local minor-league team in Las Vegas will be handing out Cheney-spoofing "hunting vests" that read "Don't Shoot, I'm Human".
  • A fun new reason to move to the Netherlands.
  • The latest NASA research on the , because it's been days since I've tried to antagonize creationists, and it never stops being fun.
  • A post singing the praises of Portland's Tanner Springs Park. I couldn't disagree more. As far as I can tell, the main reason the park's supposed to be so wonderful is because of all the endless committee meetings it's made possible. The aging boomers of the Pearl would never admit to this, but I really think the park is a sign of their collective slide into cranky geezerdom, a chance for people without lawns to say "Get off my lawn, you !$%& kids!".
  • The latest news about lovelorn rhesus monkeys in China. Because everybody loves monkeys, right? I bet ol' Teddy takes a principled stand in favor of monkeys, at least the ones the focus groups like. This is easy for Ted because we don't have any monkeys here, and therefore we have no rich anti-monkey lobbyists to appease. Oh, wait. No ranting, I forgot. Sorry. I mean it.


big mass-o-tags:

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Pictures of Herons



A slideshow of various heron photos I've taken over the years. The original post -- from wayyy back in the mists of time, before I even had a Flickr account or had taken any photos of herons -- follows...




Brief little post this time. Here are a couple pics of Oregon's favorite small fierce prehistoric creature. (No, not Kevin Mannix, silly, he's nobody's favorite, if the last couple elections are any guide.) Plus one picture of beer.

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Note to Self

I don't normally blog about work. Mostly because it's not exactly a thrilling subject for most people. And I'm not really one for gossiping and complaining about coworkers, even if there was any juicy gossip going around or anything legit to complain about, neither of which are the case.

This was going to be a longish rant about various things I don't enjoy about Unix programming, but it was promped by one pesky bug, and I'll just stick with that one for the time being.

The "Note to Self" of the title is this: It's bad for one singleton object to rely on a pointer to another singleton object, thus relying on the hope that the second will be around for the entire lifetime of the first object, and then some. If you do decide to do this, at the very least don't use object #1 while the app is cleaning up and exiting as the result of an exit() call. And if you abolutely have to do that, at least don't have multiple threads running at the time. Otherwise you'll quite possibly stumble into the same situation I did recently. Thread #1 wants to use singleton #1, which performs some filesystem utility stuff. Unfortunately, we've gotten a SIGTERM just now, and thread #2 is in the middle of an exit() call. As part of that, global and static objects get destructed in some unknowable compiler or machine defined order that the books all warn you to never, ever rely upon. Thread #2 destructs singleton #2, which would be fine if singleton #1 didn't subsequently try to use a pointer to singleton #2. Pure virtual function call, yada yada yada, SIGABRT, core dumped. Feh.

At least that's what I've been able to reconstruct from core files sent to us by a surly user. At least I can take pride in the fact that not one line of the offending code was written by me. It would've never occurred to me to write it that way.

I don't have my Antipatterns book handy to verify this, but an unidentified coworker seems to have discovered a brand new one. Yikes.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Oregon Coral. Honest!


Don't laugh, it's true. We really do have actual corals right here in Oregon. A couple of months back, I made a brief mention of the little-known world of cold deep-sea corals (although most of the post is about baby porcupines, which we have here too, btw). I was watching an HD nature show about tropical coral reefs in Indonesia the other night, and I got to wondering a bit about what (if anything) we've got closer to home.

There's surprisingly little information on the net about coldwater corals, possibly because they aren't easily accessible to recreational divers or PBS documentary teams. This is a real shame, since they're being extensively damaged by indiscriminate bottom trawling, and a large part of the world's deep coral habitat may be gone before we know much at all about it. This isn't intended to be some sort of "blah blah rainforest, blah blah concerned celebrities, blah blah organic tofu" harangue, though. Primarily I just want to point out that deep coral is interesting, it looks cool, and it's here. Just check it out, and then make an informed decision about whether we ought to wipe the stuff out or not. That's all I'm sayin'.

So here are some useful links I've come across:

Two academic papers about Oregon corals:

Conservation and management implications of deep-sea coral and fishing effort distributions in the Northeast Pacific Ocean
Habitat-forming deep-sea corals in the Northeast Pacific Ocean



WSU-Vancouver has a large image archive, although it really helps to know your taxonomy if you're looking for anything specific. If you (like me) need to brush up on that a little, the Wikipedia coral article is useful. The pic shown above is from this archive. It's a gorgonian, listed under subclass Octocorralia.

Some other links:

  • Some general info about Threatened NE Pacific marine habitats.
  • A proposed act of congress to protect deep-sea corals. I'm not holding my breath on this one. Nobody's making money off deep-sea corals, therefore there aren't any bribes to be had, therefore Congress won't act.
  • Not exactly a coral link, but I came across this while I was, uh, trawling the web. So I guess this counts as "bycatch" or something. Here's SlugSite, a page featuring nudibranchs (i.e. sea slugs), including the ever-popular Opisthobranch of the Week feature.

More info & links when I come across 'em.

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followup

I've recently gotten a number of search engine hits from people looking for political blogs about Singapore. They ended up here because of a single flippant comment I made drawing an analogy between Dubai and Singapore. That post was about Dubai and the ports deal, not Singapore, and the analogy was supposed to be unflattering.

The number of hits I got made me a little curious. It turns out that there's an election coming up later this year, and even though it's not expected to be a fair election by international standards, the opposition's still hoping to finally (and against all odds) win a significant number of legislative seats. The ruling party's had a near-monopoly since independence, so this would be a real political earthquake if it happened. And the stakes are higher than just who runs a small island in SE Asia for the next four years. Dictators around the world have tended to see Singapore as a sort of pole star, a successful alternative to Western-style democracy. It'd be great to be able to turn that around and show that despotism always loses out eventually.

So now I feel guilty about just dissing the place out of hand the way I did. I don't claim to be an expert on the intricacies of local politics over there, but here are a few Singapore political blogs and blog entries I came across:



I naturally have no idea who was looking for political blogs about Singapore, whether they're curious citizens or government censors. If it's the latter, and they decide to ban this blog in Singapore, I'll take it as a mark of pride, and a sign I must be doing something right.

While I'm at it, here are a couple blogs and blog entries about Dubai. I haven't changed my mind about the ports deal or anything, but I also don't think it's healthy to see anywhere or anyone solely in cartoonish, stereotypical terms.





And now, more "Next Blog" pseudorandomness:

Monday, March 13, 2006

In Darkest Jesustan

The theocrats are on the march again.

Here are two more news articles by distant out-of-state fundies who want to tell us all how to live. The Southern Baptists and the "Focus on the Family" clowns would both like to order us around in the matter of physician-assisted suicide. They're hundreds of miles away and have almost nothing in common with us, but that's never stopped them before. Adverse Supreme Court rulings don't stop them, and basic common decency doesn't stop them. And if the voters stop them, they'll just ramp up on establishing a theocracy, so they don't have to pay attention to those pesky voters anymore. Think I'm joking? Here's a recent poll of South Dakotans about the state's recent near-total abortion ban. The public does not approve, but inconvenient little details like that don't matter any more, not when you alone possess the Absolute Truth and know exactly how everyone ought to live. As of right now, SD residents still have access to detailed abortion info on the net. It'll be interesting to see whether the state tries to crack down on that as well.

We aren't quite ready for a theocracy yet here in Oregon, but the state legislature in Missouri is seriously thinking it over. Since they're half a continent away, not here, and not next door, I almost wish they'd go through with it, just for the sheer spectacle of the thing. I doubt they've thought this far, but it's obvious that mandating a generic "Christianity" is going to be a real problem. Sooner or later you're going to have to come up with a strict legal definition of who is a real Christian and who isn't. Otherwise, pragmatic unbelievers could simply proclaim themselves Unitarians and continue on as before. Which clearly is not what the bill's sponsors have in mind. The usual suspects will no doubt be excluded right off the bat: Unitarians, Mormons, Catholics, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, and so forth. Because you certainly don't want any of them conducting your mandatory school prayers. And the Baptists and Methodists and Pentecostals can't possibly all be right, and we sure can't have the schools teaching a false (and therefore Satanic) religion, so the government will need to pick one, and enforce it ruthlessly. And even then, you need to constantly be on guard against rogue Baptist (for example) ministers who stray from the state's approved theological guidelines. Otherwise, the term "Baptist" would rapidly become meaningless, and we can't have that. You'll most likely require a sort of Baptist pope, or at least a college of cardinals, who call all the shots and whose word is Law. And if his/their word is Law, having a separate governor, legislature, or court system would be basically pointless.

Sure, let them do that. And once they've done that, and other states in that part of the country have done the same thing, let them all secede, and good riddance to them. Let them have their Jesustan, so far as I'm concerned, just so long as they leave us blue-state folks alone. At minimum, this would mean making sure they don't have the bomb, because they can't be trusted with it, any more than the Taliban could be trusted with it. Splitting things up might be tough, but at least they won't fight us for custody over the Bill of Rights. That much is pretty clear.

I wonder what our spineless Democratic politicans would do if that ever happened. They're so used to being squishy and spineless and following the hard-right R's around pathetically bleating "Me too! Me too!" all the time. They've got no strategy other than figure out what conservative R's are for, and postion themselves a full 3% different to either side. And they're always in a headlong rush away from their base, because somebody told them it looks "statesmanlike" that way. Without R's around to model themselves on, our current D's would be completely lost. Look at the current controversy about the attempt to censure GWB over his domestic spying campaign. His approval ratings are in the dumpster, and the wiretap program looks to be about as unconstitutional as they come, but still they're terrified to stand up and criticize the guy. And they still -- for some reason -- expect to do well this November, even though the polls haven't shown a big groundswell of support for Democratic candidates. Here's a clue: If party X is unpopular, and you want to beat them in the next election, your first step ought to be to stop modeling yourself on them. Otherwise you'll be as unpopular as they are. If Democrats really want to win in 2006 (and I'm not convinced they do), they'll need a crash course in how to look and act like winners between now and then. I'm not holding out a lot of hope about that.

On a somewhat lighter and more surreal note, check out this article about GWB and his precious Oval Office rug. I don't know why he bothers. I sure wouldn't buy a carpet from the guy.

Updated:

  • Regarding the burgeoning censure-the-bastard-already movement, permit me to direct your attention to a good article over at Vichy Democrats.
  • Also, see this good post about fundie elitists over at Preemptive Karma.
  • The Nation has a great article up about the censure controversy, and the dismissive reaction it's gotten among the beltway insider community.
  • And you may have seen the recent Doonesbury about "situational science" already, but here it is anyway.


Updated II: Sandra Day O'Connor uses the 'D' word, where 'D' = "dictatorship". The US media's studiously ignoring this story, but here's an account at The Guardian.

Updated III: A scary example of the sort of thing that gets published, in this allegedly modern day and age, in local newspapers right here in the Pacific Northwest. A columnist for the Kitsap Peninsula Business Journal argues, with a straight face, that slavery was God's will. This is the same Kitsap Peninsula that's home to the big Trident nuclear sub base at Bangor, and the big navy base at Bremerton. What was I just saying about not letting the Jesustanis have the bomb?

Updated IV: A few bits of theocracy news, this time from Florida. The first item involves Katherine Harris. Yes, that Katherine Harris. An article about Rev. Kennedy and his ideas, for those who aren't familiar with the guy. And then there's the creepy guy from Domino's Pizza, and his plan to start an 100%-pure-Catholic-or-else town near Naples, FL. Oh, and the state has its own legion of nutty creationists as well.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Give 'em what they want...

The net is a strange place. Ok, technically it isn't a place at all, but it's strange. The latest example is the Furry Lobster Meme. I mean, I assume it's a meme (assuming I understand the whole "meme" thing), because a remarkable number of people have arrived here looking for info about Kiwaida, the new family of crustacea I wrote about a few days ago. Far more than I would have expected, especially since I haven't gotten a single visitor looking for choice Laonastes tidbits.

Updated: Here's another Kiwa post of mine from a few days after this one. Enjoy!

So since everybody seems to be showing up here anyway, I guess I'll appoint myself Your Unofficial Kiwaida Headquarters, and pass along a few quotable Furry Lobster Links (TM) for your zoological enjoyment.


  • Ma planĆØte actually links here for all your Kiwaida needs, so obviously this item comes first in the list. Thanks for the link!
  • The above item also points readers at a Greenpeace blog. Be sure to follow the "blobfish" link if you want to see something really weird. Don't be eating anything when you look, though. I'm serious.
  • Here's the original source material, the researchers' paper [PDF] about the creature. It's a bit technical for non-specialists, but there are several more pics of the creature, including closeups of the "fur", and in situ pics of the little beasties crawling around on the ocean floor.
  • BadmintonStamps comments "The real question now is whether the blind albino dinner for two will receive fair treatment in a prejudiced market. Higher-ups at the notoriously close-minded Red Lobster restaurant chain were already rumored to be the ones applying pressure on the scientific community to assign the creature a non-lobster classification. If Kiwaida Poppers aren't on the menu come summer, you can chalk it up as just one more sad reminder that our nation still isn't nearly as color-blind as we'd like to think."
  • At onepotmeal: "Now that I know about furry lobsters, other lobsters just seem so plain. Also cool, that there is a goddess of crustaceans."
  • Another blogger remarks: "I wonder now, if the Polynesian resort in Disneyworld will put a big painting of this "goddess" up on the lobby wall...heheheh..."
  • 7610 has this to say: "Don't worry though, it's only about 6 inches long. Well, this Kiwaida anyway.". True enough, but the one that attacks Tokyo will be much, much larger.
  • In that spirit, here's a post titled "Attack Of The Blind Albino Yeti Crabs!".
  • Another post, this one titled "Blinged Out Lobster is Pimp of the Sea". Which you have to admit is a truly vivid image.
  • The discovery was not entirely unexpected. At least one blogger sort of predicted it over a week before it was announced.
  • Yet another blogger goes a step further and speculates that he may have accidentally created the new creature.
  • That may or may not be true. A blogger from Lynchburg, VA wonders if there may be a connection with French nuclear testing in the South Pacific.
  • This page is not strictly a kiwaida page, it's a page of current science stories put together by the Wisconsin State Science Teachers. So I figured it was worth passing along.
  • Another blogger notes a striking resemblance I'd completely missed: "First of all, I think that a better name for the lobster might have referred to the fact that it looks like it's wearing leg warmers--is this some throwback to the 1980s? I feel ilke it should also be wearing a headband, an off-the-shoulder t, and be carrying around a Walkman listening to Cindi Lauper.".
  • More than one person has made this same connection. Here's someone's MySpace profile, in which both Kiwaida and Laonastes (and also Madonna) are pictured against a Nagel-print background. Wow.
  • Uber_technica sees it as a sign of the apocalypse. And let me suggest that this and the 80's-retro hypothesis are compatible, and may both be correct simultaneously.
  • Another blog draws what I think is a comic book analogy, which is entirely lost on me. But perhaps you'll enjoy it more than I did, so here ya go.
  • Kiwa hirsuta features in a poem at Watermelon Moon, and is described as "a dazzling brooch only Phyllis Diller could wear".
  • Again, more than one blogger draws this conclusion. The Chaotic Mind includes a pic of Phyllis Diller for comparison. Yikes!
  • Junktopia , on the other hand, says "To me Kiwa Hirsuta looks like an H.R. Giger creation.".
  • The fuzzy lil' crustacean's inspiring more than just poetry. Here's a Kiwaida stuffed animal someone's created. I think there's a definite market for these.
  • Non Compos Mentis also talks about lobster plush toys. It seems like word hasn't gotten out about the toys in the previous item, which just goes to show -- yet again -- why my services are desperately required, in my self-appointed role as Kiwaida information clearinghouse.
  • Just to show how evenhanded I am, here's a rival site aggregating Kiwa hirsuta stories. Mine's better, though. Everybody knows that.
  • Another pic, this time of a bunch of Kiwaidas in all the colors of the rainbow. Groovy, man. One visitor comments: OH MY GOD! i can't stop fantasizing about the yeti crab. i'm writing a short story called micro knights where the yeti crab assists in folding space time because of the hairs on their claws that reacts to bacteria so that they can survive by the toxic vents in deep water...THX! such inspiration!!!.
  • Seibei Industries has the usual photo, plus a photo of a "regular" albino lobster. What you really want to look at here is the user comments. Here's one:

    my friend and i are obsessed with the lobster thing. i want it to reach out and hold me with it’s fuzzy arms and mitten claws.

    i drew a picture of my friend with it -
    click here to see it.

  • A song about furry lobsters, although it's actually about sea otters, not our furry lobsters.
  • Ballpoint Wren speculates about the cullinary possibilities: "I'm certain the scientists who discovered this character also lost their appetites when they realized what garlic butter would do to all that blonde hair.". I dunno, myself. Garlic butter can work wonders. Given a sufficient amount of garlic butter, bricks are delicious, for example.
  • Many Bells Down also expresses alarm about all that sheer hirsuteness: I’m not sure I’d be so keen on getting meat out of those pinchers! I hate it when there’s hair in my food. ".
  • Others are much more enthusiastic. A lobster afficionado at Jawbone Radio says "Get some drawn butter!".
  • A user comment at the previous item points readers at a more technical article at Practical Fishkeeping, which indicates that Kiwaida is a hydrothermal vent organism, and thus would be toxic, or at least really sulfury and disgusting, if you tried to eat one. Alas. And yet, there are a lot of things that are inedible unless prepared just the right way, like manioc, or rhubarb, or pufferfish. So don't give up all hope. There may still be a way, if you care. I actually don't, myself. I don't even like plain old "bald" lobster, and the evidence doesn't suggest the new beastie would be an improvement. It's hairy and all sulfury and brimstone-ish. If, hypothetically speaking, Dick Cheney wore a toupee, and you were to eat it, it would probably taste a lot like a Kiwaida.


While searching for Kiwaida stuff, I came across a couple of tidbits about Polyrhachis sokolova, a newly-discovered species of aquatic ant. Yes, you read that right. It's an ant that can swim. The original ABC (where A=Australian) story is here. Zoiks!


On a mostly-unrelated note, people have also showed up here due to one recent, very brief, passing mention of the B-movie actress Julie Strain (a pic here). These Cyclotram guests came here seeking knowledge (of a sort) and presumably went away empty-handed, since the post as a whole was about something else entirely. I actually feel a little guilty about that, like I'm being a bad host or something. So here are a couple of reviews I found of one of her most recent films, Exterminator City, by rumour_man and Dr. Gore. Reviewers on Netflix were rather stingy with their praise, a couple of them calling it the absolute worst movie they'd ever seen. That kind of talk always intrigues me, so the thing's in my queue now. I've seen a lot of atrociously poor movies, and I'm hard to impress. So we'll see how this baby stacks up. So to speak.

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Double Schadenfreude

Gentle Reader(s), we're gathered here to day to celebrate bad things happening to a couple of bad people.. Perhaps that's not the noblest of impulses, but let's be honest. They both earned what they got.

Our first schadenfreudee is a certain Mr. Claude Allen, until quite recently GWB's domestic policy adviser, one-time aide to Jesse Helms, and professional fundie nutcase. He's been arrested for running a classic grift job against his local Target store. What you do is buy a bunch of merchandise, take it out to your car, go back in the store with your receipt, fill your cart with identical merchandise, and "return" it for a full refund. At Target, no less. It's not surprising that a Bushoid would turn out to be a crook. But an incompetent, small-time crook? That's just really sad. I mean, I'm not saying it would be better if they'd all go back to running elaborate arms-for-hostages schemes, but ripping off your neighborhood discount store is in a weird way an affront to the dignity of your office. If that's the best crime you can come up with, it's clear you never belonged in DC in the first place.

So two points about Claude Allen:

First, the thing that makes this a fun story (besides the pathetic and pedestrian nature of the crime), is the hypocrisy. From the Sunday Times story about the arrest:

At the time of his departure Washington insiders speculated that Allen, a staunch evangelical conservative, was leaving because he was unhappy military chaplains were being forced to conduct non-denominational services. In a previous job at the health department he was an advocate of abstinence-only Aids prevention programmes.

As a health administrator in Virginia he once blocked welfare payments to a rape victim who wanted an abortion. In 2003 Bush nominated Allen as a federal appeals court judge, but he was rejected by Democrats who unearthed an old statement he had once made disparaging “queers”.

See also the longer profile of Allen by the Washington Post, with a photo of Allen standing with Bush and Rove.

What we have here is conservative "morality" in a nutshell. On one hand, absolutely rigid rules about sex and so-called "culture of life" issues, strictly enforced by unlimited government intrusion into citizens' private lives. On the other, a far more nuanced and forgiving stance on a lot of other things, like "thou shalt not kill", "thou shalt not bear false witness", and of course stealing. Suddenly they see all sorts of grey areas and loopholes everywhere, so that (for example) neither war nor capital punishment have any negative moral aspect at all to them. And if you have to lie to get your war started, apparently that's peachy keen too, since it proves you're a strong, tough leader, or something. Just so long as you don't fool around with any interns. That's far, far worse.

Second point, GWB's reaction to the arrest is rather telling. From the Telegraph story:

Mr Bush said: "If the allegations are true, Claude Allen did not tell my chief of staff and legal counsel the truth, and that's deeply disappointing.

"If the allegations are true, something went wrong in Claude Allen's life, and that is really sad."

So let me get this straight: The stealing itself is just a sign that "something went wrong" in the guy's life, which in itself is certainly no big deal. The real sin here, the real thing all right-thinking Americans should be outraged over, is Allen's unforgivable lapse in personal loyalty to the president. The moment he knew he was in legal trouble, he apparently ought to have told Karl & Rupert so they could've come up with some idiotic spindoctoring and a plan to manage the media. Blame it all on Hillary Clinton or something, since the specifics don't really matter anyway, and they certainly never have to be true. But instead, Allen selfishly focused on saving his own skin, even though a truly loyal Republican's every waking moment is supposed be slavishly devoted to adoring thoughts about the Glorious Leader. Bush can't quite say he never knew the guy (a la Abramoff), but his cold, distant remarks are about the next closest thing. Now it's possible Allen may never work inside the beltway again. Which would be fine with me, quite honestly. Good riddance.


The second schadenfreudee got his in an even more dramatic and final way. I'm talking, of course, about Slobodan Milosevic, who died miserable and alone in a foreign prison, while on trial for war crimes. Some people have argued it's a big disappointment because he hadn't been convicted or sentenced yet. And yes, that would've been nice, of course, but in the end it would've been mostly a symbolic victory. There's nothing a civilized society could do that could adequately punish him for his actions, so a conviction would ultimately be disappointing as well, no matter what the sentence. In the end, what matters is that he's gone, not one more person will die on his orders, and he lived just long enough to see all his dreams die. He's gone, and the world's a better place for it. That should count for something. And if we're really lucky, next it'll be Pinochet's turn, and maybe Mugabe after that.


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Friday, March 10, 2006

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Origami Backlash


In this age of the 24 hour news cycle, it's a bit late for me to be poking fun at Microsoft's new "Origami" initiative (a.k.a. UMPC). The negative reviews are already pouring in. But this picture was just too perfect. (Here's some more origami dinos.) It's just yet another MS attempt to shoehorn a full version of Windows, or something superficially close to it, into a small(ish) form factor, and convince everybody it's just the coolest thing ever. If it's not a clunky touchscreen laptop running WinXP, it's a clunky PDA running WinCE. Look, It's Windows. It doesn't scale down very well. PDA users don't want to navigate through five levels of start menu just to do anything useful. Everybody keeps explaining this, but Microsoft isn't listening. Whenever they announce they've discovered an unsuspected new market niche, the world just rolls its eyes. (AutoPC, anyone?) Which is all fine, really. I'd hate to see MS dominate and crush any new markets.

I could be wrong, of course. Maybe there's a huge legion of people out there who've been secretly carrying real bricks around all day, unbeknownst to me and for reasons of their own, and they'll all jump at the chance to upgrade to an electronic model. Could be, I guess. Or maybe hardcore Star Trek fans will decide they look like something Captain Picard would've lugged around circa 1988 and have to buy one for their very own. Who knows? One thing, though. If you're going to do one of those "viral marketing" stunts where you get the media to hype your ultra-mysterious upcoming announcement, it's best if the product itself isn't a big, obvious disappointment. I haven't seen so much hype since the Segway.

I was going to write a little transition here, comparing MS to the Bush administration, but I don't actually dislike Microsoft that much. The analogy seemed a bit forced anyway. So let's all just agree that a transition just happened, and we're talking about politics for a moment. Just for a moment, though, and only because I wanted to pass along today's crop of political blog entries I liked, including ones from panopticonman, To the point, Republicans for Satan, and Building a Pyramid.

Other stuff I figured I'd braindump while I'm at it:

  • Everything sounds better in French. Including this post about the latest Cassini discoveries, titled EncĆ©lade le magnifique
  • I was looking for any more info about that interesting mp3 of Iranian music I mentioned a few posts back, but I think this isn't the same person as before. Interesting site, though: Peyman and his Tonbak.
  • An article at James Randi's site about yet another con artist preying on gullible religious people. (Originally found on Y! SCOX)
  • It'll be a while before the new mars orbiter's really open for business, but here are a couple of navigational images from during the approach to Mars, to tide you over, or whatever.
  • And a Portland food blog I came across, ExtraMSG.com. One point, though, regarding the top story. As much as I like hummus (to the despair of certain people), I have to admit it doesn't photograph well. So maybe you'll want to skip that part and go directly to the chocolate. Sahagun gets a mention, along with a number of local chocolatiers I haven't quite gotten to yet. Now I think I'll have to make that a new personal goal. Mmmm.... chocolate....


cyclotram post #100



And I'm keeping this one short. Sometimes pictures say a thousand words. Other times there's just a single perfect word, and it's enough.

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It's nail-bitin' time again...

The shiny new Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter is supposed to arrive in Mars orbit today. SpaceflightNow has their usual minute-by-minute status page, so anyone who doesn't mind a little temporary high blood pressure can follow along.

Maybe I'm just being cynical here, but I have to wonder whether the word "Reconnaissance" in the name was the key to getting budgetary approval. It's hard to imagine a name that'd be a safer bet, given the Bushies' well-known inclinations. "Mars Petroleum Explorer", anyone? Or maybe a "Mars BibleBot 1", to look for evidence of Noah's flood on Mars, and convert the heathen Martians (if they exist) into good churchgoing Southern Baptists.

Anyway, while we're waiting, here are a couple of perspectives on yesterday's big Enceladus announcement. The Christian Science Monitor has a piece titled "Water discovery vs. NASA budget cuts". I had a few words to say about GWB's budget cuts myself a couple of days ago. And the Sydney Morning Herald has an article "Does it contain new forms of life or just a few old geysers?" (what is it with these long titles?)

It's quite a cool discovery, although (as usual) it wasn't entirely unexpected. The moon orbits within the "E ring", a faint, diffuse band of ice crystals. The leading theory for many years has been that the ice was coming from the moon somehow. And the twin Voyagers in the early 80's showed that much of the moon's surface looks relatively fresh and uncratered, which is usually taken to mean that some sort of crater-erasing geological process has occurred there, possibly on an ongoing basis. You put two and two together, and geysers don't seem that outlandish of an idea. So as cool as this is, it's really a confirmation of an existing hypothesis, not a startling and unexpected new revelation.

As an alternate form of stress relief, here are two more beer blogs I came across yesterday: Appellation Beer and Making Homemade Wine & Beer. There's also a current beer article over at Prague Style, which isn't at all surprising given what I've heard about the city. More surprising is another blog's post about Taybeh Beer, the only beer currently brewed in the Palestinian territories. Don't miss the directions to the brewery, complete with army checkpoints and everything. And just last year, the town of Taybeh celebrated its very first Oktoberfest. Huh. Who would've thought?


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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Laonastes & Kiwaida



[Updated: Here are two subsequent "furry lobster" posts of mine: "Give 'em what they want" and Kiwaidagain. Hey, it's a popular topic right now, and I'm milking it. Enjoy! ]

It's a red letter day for weird new animal species. There's a story over at FoxNews about the (re)discovery of the Laotian Rock Rat, Laonastes aenigmamus. Or if you prefer reputable sources, there's a Wikipedia article as well. Or if you're a proper Renaissance person and prefer your scientific literature in Latin, you're in luck. And if you're curious what they taste like, NewScientist has the goods. (discusson here) Some accounts I've seen have referred to the little beastie as a "rat squirrel", not to be confused with the Sumatran rat monkey, of course. I can't quite picture that. I love squirrels, and hate rats, and if the new creature is somewhere in between, I just don't know what to think about it.

Deep beneath the sea, another weird creature has been discovered. Kiwa hirsuta is described as a hairy lobster, representing an entirely new family of crustacean, Kiwaida. It's not real hair, of course, but it certainly looks like something the Jim Henson workshop might have cooked up. Here, a blogger wonders how long it'll be before "some jackass wonders what kind of sauce and wine might go best". And here, that question is answered. There's always someone who wants to know what it tastes like.

Meanwhile, today's Washington Post has one of the saddest stories I've seen in a long, long time. The Richmond, VA zoo was forced to euthanize both of their bears so they could be tested for rabies, all because some stupid parent thought it'd be cute to have her kid feed the bears from up close. Chomp! If they ever institute a test that people have to pass in order to become parents, people ought to be asked whether they'd ever voluntarily place their young offspring within reach of a huge, hungry bear. That would be a very reasonable question to ask, I think.

You used to be able to feed the animals at the zoo. It's true. I remember doing it myself as a child, back in the 70's, but not from up close. We'd make about a loaf's worth of PB&J sandwiches, take them to the local zoo, and hurl them to the bears. I don't know whether the bears had been trained to do this or not, but they'd sit up on their hind legs and beg, and they were pretty good at catching sandwiches out of the air. Decades later, that seems like a really barbaric practice, and I can't believe they ever allowed it. I've heard zoos of that era had persistent problems with pranksters who'd throw the bears sandwiches laced with Ex Lax, for instance. I don't know whether that's true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. People who enjoy abusing animals couldn't resist an opportunity like that.

A couple of additional zoological tidbits:

In the UK there's a charity dedicated to protecting squishy, spineless little invertebrates. Not congressional Democrats, silly, they're for protecting bugs.

And here's the ultimate answer to every kid's favorite question, "What's grosser than gross?". I'm speaking, of course, about the hagfish, a really nasty piece of work. Want more info? Here's more, but I doubt it'll change your mind much.

The first time I ever heard of these little bastards was actually in a Gunter Grass novel. It was years ago, but I think it was either Dog Years or Cat and Mouse. There's a vivid image in one scene of a horse's head being pulled from the ocean, riddled with hagfishes. It was one of those moments where you just know it isn't entirely fictional. Poor Herr Grass probably experienced this as a child, and has had nightmares about it ever since. I know I would've, if it had happened to me.

Various sources out there argue that despite all appearances, hagfish really are of commercial value. The skins are an excellent cheap leather substitute, we're told. And they're considered a delicacy in Korea. Or was it Japan? And here, a group of intrepid college students explores using hagfish slime as an egg substitute in baked goods. And it wasn't even a reality show, that's the real kicker here. If you'd like to try this yourself, and you have access to a reliable supply of hagfish slime (and if you do, I seriously don't want to know why), there's a recipe for hagfish slime scones over at the Museum of Awful Food. Not to be confused with James Lileks' incredibly funny Gallery of Regrettable Food.



I hate to end this post talking about the most disgusting creature on the planet, so let's switch gears again. It seems that via the magic of DNA analysis, researchers have identified three new species of lemur in Madagascar, including the Lepilemur randrianasoli pictured above. This has gotten less coverage than the other stories, probably because the "new" lemurs aren't especially new. They look and act like other lemurs, and were only identified as separate with some fancy DNA work. But still, you'd think someone would be paying attention. I guess that someone is me. There's one other lemur-related story of note: The zoo in Sacramento has a new baby Coquerel's sifaka, a species of lemur. Enjoy!

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When Small Housewares Attack

salt-and-pepper

parrot

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Maslenitsa-N-More

I really need to pay closer attention to these things. While I was busy working, commuting, blogging, going to the grocery store, attending wedding receptions, and so forth, the festival of Maslenitsa (a.k.a. Russian Mardi Gras) passed completely unremarked-upon. That just isn't right. A few additional accounts, some with images. This is a sample of what I, and probably you, missed:

  • Linguamir has some pics of traditional folk dancing and general clowning about. Since the company claims to be "Quality language instruction", I'd like to offer them a bit of of constructive criticism. In English, referring to a female clown as a "girl-buffoon" isn't very nice at all. You're likely to offend people talking that way.
  • One of several posts at Moscow Minutiae. At one point the post mentions a honey-based drink called medovukha, which WIkipedia says is a lot like mead. Hmm. Combine that with the folk dancing and such, and you've basically got a Renaissance Fair on your hands.
  • Another article w/ more images over at Accidental Russophile.

Ah, well. There's always next year.

Meanwhile, I still haven't found that link I lost where someone was blogging about Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro. However, here's what may be the next best thing, a blog about Carnaval in Pernambuco, Brazil. Looks like it's all safe for work, albeit maybe a bit distracting.

And St. Patrick's Day will be here soon. So far I haven't seen any signs that there'll be a repeat of last year's beer festival in Pioneer Courthouse Square. We went and loved it, but most of the time we were there the place was deserted. It's almost unimaginable that someone threw a beer festival in Portland and nobody shows up, but that's exactly what happened. I know, because I was there. The thing even got a reasonable amount of publicity, and it didn't help. Maybe everyone who goes to this sort of thing was at the Kells Irish Pub's festival, which is sort of a local institution. It's hard to say. Later it occurred to me that the festival also tied up the square over the anniversary of the start of the Iraq war, so part of me wonders if maybe that was the plan all along.

Of course, everybody knows that the really big spring festival here in Portland doesn't come until a bit later. The Spring Beer & Wine Festival doesn't happen until mid-April this time around, because it always runs Easter weekend. It's really tailored to local conditions in ways that traditional festivities aren't. First, it's indoors, which is very important here. Second, it has no religious aspect whatsoever. Third, it's a chance to drink a lot of beer while pretending it's all a big intellectual exercise for discerning conoisseurs, And fourth, there are lots of knicknacks and trinkets you can buy once you've had a few drinks. The next morning you wake up and think "I bought THAT!?". Which can be expensive, but at least nobody's caught an embarrassing disease that way.

At the moment, I'm enjoying a nice glass of Cantillon Geuze, which is a definite acquired taste. Someday I'll figure out whether I actually like lambics or not, and decide once and for all whether they're truly the pinnacle of the brewer's art. But not today. I figure there's no point in forming a concrete opinion until you've tried 'em all.



And now we've hit the "unrelated items" part of the post, where I list off a few things that I came across today that have nothing to do with the alleged topic of this post.

  • Thrilling video from The Lancelet of an octopus eating a shark.
  • You may have seen this already. A blog out of New Zealand offers a series of pics titled "Bad Parenting", featuring some ducklings. Well, the ducklings appear in two out of the three pics, I'll put it that way.
  • The Panda's Thumb reports on the current creationism debate in South Carolina, where I used to live a few years ago. I sure miss the weather right about now... And the food. And some of the people, some of the time. Did I mention the food?
  • In the same vein, here's a great Washington Post column titled Culture of Intellectual Corruption. I'll just tell you flat-out that it's about Bush, so that you don't have to waste your 6 guesses. One key point it makes is something I've tried to explain here on occasion:

    Specter is right to link Iraq with everything else, because the debacle there is a product of the same magical thinking that rejected global warming, stem cells and condoms alike. Underlying it all is a commitment to belief over fact, what should be over what is. It is evidenced in the insistence by Bush and others that "intelligent design" is, like evolution, worthy of teaching. "Both sides ought to be properly taught," Bush once said. Yes, and astronomy and astrology, too, and maybe chemistry and alchemy as well. It's a totally bogus proposition.

  • A travel blog, from someone who's trekking around Argentina even as we speak.
  • Whaddaya Say Fritz, another interesting photo blog,
  • love of robots, in which a 15 y/o student posts her many doodles involving robots. This is quite possibly the most excellent blog ever, but don't ask me to try explaining why. It just is, ok?





and now, the tags:

Plugh!!!



In a recent post, I made a crack about hypothetical tourists from Idaho Falls. This generated a surprising number of search engine hits, all people looking for the phrase "Idaho Falls". It seems the world, or at least part of the world, is thirsting for information about the place, so I figured, hey, I've been there twice, the last time less than ten years ago, so that practically makes me an expert, compared to a lot of people. So I figured I'd see what I could find about the place with a few brief minutes searching the web.

Two very different perspectives on the place can be had from the the local ABC affiliate, and IdahoFallz.com, which describes itself as the city's "virtual soapbox". While the former is the usual local TV mix of lurid crime stories and human interest fluff, the latter is a fairly interesting read. Some urban planning stories, pictures of local architecture and public art, and so forth. Also, the city has a brand new TGI Fridays.

So I ought to make it very clear that the picture above does not have anything whatsoever to do with United Airlines starting a new route from Idaho Falls to Denver. Nor does it have anything to do with a recent incident that got the hardcore "chemtrail" folks all worked up. (Silly rabbit, everybody knows chemtrails are made by black helicopters.)

No, the above picture isn't from Idaho at all, surprisingly enough. It's from Southern Oregon, home of the . Certain local booster clubs in the area have been known to dress up as cavemen, er, cavepersons. The city of Grants Pass actually has a statue of a caveman, right near the freeway offramp. I suppose it's located there to ward away any Californians who wander in off I-5, desperately seeking tofu.

The picture is in a gallery hosted by the Oregon Grotto, a local spelunking organization. I haven't done a lot of wandering around in caves myself. Mostly because there aren't a lot of caves in the area (that the public knows about, anyway), and most of what we do have are lava tubes, like Lava River Cave. Not very big, and once you've seen one, the others hold few surprises.

But I have always liked the idea of caves, at least. When I was a kid, I found a book in the local library called The Longest Cave, an account of the exploration of the Mammoth Cave system in Kentucky. It's been years since I last read it, but I remember it being an engrossing and very well written book. As it turns out, one of the people who features prominently in the book went on to write the famous original Adventure computer game, which was based (rather realistically, we're told) on part of the cave system. I used to love that game too, having played it incessantly back in the old text adventure days. The game, incidentally, is the origin of the magic words "xyzzy" and the lesser-known "plugh", and the phrase "a maze of twisty little passages, all alike".

I actually came across these cave pics when I was, once again, looking for a good picture of a Cyclotram to adorn this blog. Still haven't found one, but I came across someone who saw Unknown World as a child, and apparently loved it. He mentions the movie in two separate columns, one about being a lifelong SF fan, and the other some memories about someone he knew who'd gotten stuck in a cave when he was younger, requiring a somewhat embarrassing rescue.

I also came across a site offering the movie via BitTorrent, with some small screenshots to give you some idea of what to expect. The site asserts that the film's entered the public demain and is no longer under copyright. I don't know whether that's the case or not, but it's not unusual for this to happen with B movies from that era. So maybe I can just grab a screenshot from my dvd of the movie, if that's the case.

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On Importance

More evidence surfaced today that a.) what I'm doing right now (i.e. blogging) is Very Important, but b.) my particular instance of this worthy activity is Not Very Important. I remain a remote vertex on the far fringes of the blogoverse's vast directed graph, with my indegree stuck resolutely at zero.

Here are a couple of news stories from much closer to the center of the graph, pointing at what we're told are hip, happening bits of the blogosphere, directly from various stodgy corners of the Old Media. Because if anyone knows what's hip and happening at this very moment, it's the Old Media. Everybody knows that.

The BBC would like us to know all about something called the , by analogy with the UK's "old media" Booker Prize. Soon, the world's best blog will be anointed, and the author given a golden opportunity to leap to the world of dead trees and lead-based ink. Yay!

Closer to home, Portland's own Willamette Week has a trend/style article that puts local bloggers on notice: You're nobody, unless your blog's hosted on . If you (like me) use Blogspot or some other service, you're a hopeless square. If you aren't l33t enough to have a blog on UH, you might as well give up on the whole internet thing and go back to making buggy whips. I'd actually never even heard of the thing before, but then I also have a huge amount of trouble keeping up on the local indie rock scene, too. Which is too bad, because you can't possibly be cool in this town unless you can list from memory at least 3 dozen bands nobody else on the planet has ever heard of. And they all have to be exactly the right sort of band, too. No country-western, no hair metal, no 60's style soul music. Just 100% pure indie rock, and lots of it. Yay. And while I'm at it, stop calling me "Gramps", dammit.

And then, there's the matter of Wal-Mart to help polish their image. It's surprising how many Wal-Mart-friendly bloggers there are out there. Apparently a large chunk of the conservative (and/or venal money-grubbing) blogosphere genuinely belives that Wal-Mart's "red state" image is a real expression of ideology on the company's part, and is absolutely not a coldly calculated marketing campaign like what Target's managed on the "blue state" side of things. Whew. Talk about naive.

The really important point here is that, to date, not a single "old media" type has pretended to fawn over my every word, and not one corporate flack has, so far, dangled schwag in front of me in exchange for my considerable literary services. It's quite the crying shame, although I remain convinced they're all doing it just to make me jealous.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

New Dawn Fades



If you care about this sort of thing, you've probably already heard about NASA cancelling the Dawn mission to the large asteroids Ceres and Vesta. We're told this was because the troubled project was over budget, which was true, and because it was stumbling over a number of technical obstacles, which was also true. And what's more, the whole point of the Discovery program (which Dawn was funded under) is to control costs and make it easy to terminate projects that go off the rails. So in a sense this shows that HQ means business, and the cost control provisions really do mean what they say. From a purely bureaucratic perspective, then, I guess one could declare "mission accomplished", although the result is that we don't get to see two fascinating places up close, at least for a while longer.

On the other hand, the mission's complexity was due in large part to the need to accomodate various bureaucratic requirements. In particular, the idea of sending one spacecraft to visit both asteroids surely resulted from the Discovery program's focus on funding individual stand-alone missions. You probably couldn't build multiple asteroid probes on a Discovery budget, while a proposal to visit a single large asteroid probably wouldn't have been flashy enough to get the bid committee's attention. Visiting two asteroids meant using not one but two ion engines, and an extremely long mission duration. Even before HQ started cracking the whip a few months ago, the mission was clearly in trouble. News accounts about the cancellation mentioned that the mission would have measured the asteroids' magnetic fields (if they exist), but Dawn's magnetometer had been deleted from the mission back in February 2004, to save on costs, weight, and power consumption, all of which had grown significantly over the original estimate.

The fundamental problem is that, unlike Mars for example, the asteroid belt isn't all in one place. There are far too many to ever contemplate visiting all of them, so the right approach would seem to be to get a statistically significant sample. Cover the really big ones, plus enough hopefully-typical examples that one or two oddballs won't skew your conclusions. This inevitably means building more than one spacecraft. The best you can really do, costwise, is try to leverage your initial investment by using a standardized, simple design. This would be the right approach, but I doubt there's enough political will or interest out there to do it this way.

There's also the matter of agency priorities. We've gotten a solemn promise that science programs will absolutely not be cannibalized in favor of Apollo Jr., the latest bloated and pointless federal jobs-for-Texans program. But nobody really believes that. It's happening already, in fact. Which is exactly the same thing that happened with the Space Station, the Shuttle, and on and on. To justify this, we're always told that human spaceflight is the one and only thing the public cares about. This may have been true in 1965, but it's hard to argue that it's the case anymore. These days the Shuttle+Station program is seen as expensive, pointless, and scary, and the public couldn't care less about it. In contrast, thanks to the magic of the Internet, the public can follow ongoing planetary exploration in near-real-time. It's almost like riding along.

This wouldn't be as big of a problem if it was possible to grow the NASA budget to accomodate the new moon program. But we can't, because our top budgetary priorities remain 1.) Apocalyptic wars all over the Middle East -- and everywhere else, if possible; and 2.) More big tax cuts for rich people. So our hands are pretty much tied, budgetwise. This is strikingly similar to the situation that eventually killed the Apollo program, come to think of it.

But there may be more at work here than budgetary & bureaucratic infighting. Beyond Dawn, other major cuts included projects to explore Jupiter's moon Europa (which may contain a vast ocean of liquid water under its icy crust), and an effort to look for earthlike planets around other stars. Even more than Dawn, evidence resulting from these projects would have the potential to really undermine a fundamentalist, literal reading of Genesis. So now we simply aren't going to study that sort of thing anymore, to make sure that we don't discover anything Karl Rove and the creationist/ID rabble wouldn't approve of. You think I'm kidding? Read my previous post about the infamous Big Bang Memo, and then decide whether I'm just blowing smoke here.

On the bright side, we don't have a monopoly on exploring the universe. If we're going to turn inward and wallow in medieval ignorance, someone else (Europe, Russia, Japan, China, India...) will happily pick up the slack, and get all the credit while we busy ourselves speaking in tongues and burning witches at the stake.

[In case you're wondering, the title of the post comes from an old Joy Division song, which is not to say that I'm that old or anything, of course.]

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Greenhorn, USA


The smallest, and highest altitude, incorporated city in Oregon is named Greenhorn, at 6270 feet above sea level, and a population that various measures give as anywhere from three down to zero. The last census recorded zero residents, although there are apparently three registered voters, a mayor, a city council, and a couple of city "employees". As far as I can figure, the state can't classify it as a ghost town and abolish it so long as someone's maintaining it as a going concern. Although several pages including this one report that the place operates under some sort of "Township Charter" granted directly by Uncle Sam. It'd be helpful if they explained what that meant, but they don't.

The town gets a blurb at the end of this article about "Oregon's Playgrounds", meaning areas where a significant percentage of the housing stock is owned by nonresidents and occupied seasonally. If any of the seven legal residences are vacation homes, I'm assuming they aren't pictured on this page.

I suppose it would be kind of fun to have an actual legal city to run as a hobby. It's a shame how ghost towns tend to be so inconveniently located, though. I do seem to recall an article in the Oregonian a few years ago where a sharp-eyed researcher had discovered that there were a significant number of "cities" on the books in this state that had been incorporated on paper long ago, and subsequently forgotten. Many of these were near, or now even within the limits of "real" cities, some of them in the Portland area. If I'm not mistaken, one phantom city was actually centered in the area of what's now the Cedar Hills Crossing mall in central Beaverton. Which is kind of a fascinating idea. The idea of things continuing to legally "exist" on paper long after they've ceased to exist (or never existed to begin with) in the real world is intriguing, and I expect there are all sorts of ways a sufficiently clever person could turn such a situation to his or her advantage.

I don't know if the state legislature ever acted on these legal "ghost towns"; surely they must've had higher priorities. Unless they've since been abolished, in theory I guess you could lay hands on one of these babies, finagle yourself into the mayor's office, and start handing out traffic tickets, putting relatives on the payroll, passing weird city ordinances, accepting lavish gifts from lobbyists, abusing your city credit card / mobile phone / Learjet for personal use, handing out huge public subsidies for local sports team owners, CEOs, and random other rich people, maybe build a stylish aerial tram across "town"... the possibilities are absolutely endless, and just begging to be exploited. (Mwhahahaha!!!!)

Which means our noble legislators probably did abolish these cities-on-paper. I don't think they could tolerate the added competition.