mysterypark

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If you're like me, which you aren't, and you ride MAX through the Lloyd Center area, which you probably don't, you might've noticed this little park-like area on Holladay St. between 6th & 7th Avenues. It's relentlessly geometric and full of signs forbidding pets and smokers, but there's no obvious sign of who's doing all the forbidding.

As usual, PortlandMaps rides to the rescue, letting us know the place is actually not public property. It doesn't give the official name for the place, because that's not what PortlandMaps does, but we do learn that it's property ID R182211, owned by "KAISER FOUNDATION HEALTH PLAN ATTN: PROPERTY ACCOUNTING".

So this is a little taste of what the world looks like when huge health insurance conglomerates run the show. No pets allowed, smoking anywhere strictly forbidden, even if you're outdoors with nobody around to breathe your secondhand smoke, etcetera, etcetera. If it's bad for you, or there's any chance of anyone suing anyone else (like over dog bites), it's banned, and if it's good for you, it's mandatory. No doubt the blue metal chairs here are designed to enforce correct posture.

I'm tempted to call them up and say I want to set up a hot dog cart in their little park, just to see what they say. Although cynical and rebellious thoughts are probably another form of unhealthiness, and therefore forbidden as well, and they'll be sending Salvatore the, uh, Legitimate Sicilian Chiropractor by to readjust my kneecaps, even though I'm not even a customer of theirs. It all stands to reason, anyway.