Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Heyy, MORE Blasphemy....

Seems that blasphemy is everywhere, once you start to look for it:

  • In Denmark, it's apparently blasphemous to sell flip-flop sandals with pictures of Jesus and Mary on 'em. I can only imagine what would be going on if they'd put those Mohammed cartoons on shoes.
  • Actually that's happened already, sort of, and Nike was the "guilty" party. One of the newer perils of being a profitable evil global monolith: If your product has any squiggly lines on it, you have to be absolutely sure they don't inadvertently spell anything in Arabic script. Of course, it's easy for Nike to get off the hook by blaming the whole thing on those prejudiced little Chinese 6 year olds who make all of their shoes.
  • Meanwhile, AOL's new marketing slogan "I AM" is unforgivable blasphemy, according to certain psychotic Christian fundies. And they run our government, so you know what they're saying must be true. Or at least you'd better pretend it's true, if you know what's good for you.
  • It turns out that Kanye West is a blasphemous infidel, as well, according to at least one fundie blogger. At one point he says "Good thing you're not God...and good thing I'm not God either (I'd be doing some major "zapping")". Which I think is a very revealing comment.
  • In a bit of musical blasphemy, a couple of well-known Sunday school tunes have been given blasphemous new lyrics, singing the praises of Cthulhu. As for blasphemy against Cthulhu, I haven't really found anything worth posting, which is a bit surprising. Perhaps those who speak ill of Cthulhu are rapidly, ah, removed from the universe, along with everything they've ever posted on the net. That's one theory, anyway.
  • Putting the Hindu god Ganesh on a beer label isn't just blasphemy, it's a hate crime, according to one offendee. So he's suing the Lost Coast brewery for a billion dollars. Indica is a great beer, and anybody who wants to get between me and my beer is the Enemy. As for food pairings, let me suggest sacred cow as a perfect accompaniment. Add some bacon on top, and you're up to 3 offended religions for the price of one. Eat it on Friday (rather than fish) and you might offend a few elderly Catholics as well. Mmmm.... Bacon....
  • But if you're Catholic, maybe you're too busy being angry about a recent South Park episode. Yes, South Park is blasphemous too. Who knew?
  • Of course, if you're a proper bible thumpin' fundie, you know that all Catholics are blasphemers, because of the whole Virgin Mary thing.
  • And if you're a proper Koran thumpin' Wahhabi, you know that all Shias are blasphemers.
  • Also, writing a comedic book about Jesus is criminal blasphemy in Greece, even now, in the 21st century.
  • The UN, or at least its terminally silly "Human Rights Commission", thinks it'd be nice if we had a global ban on offending anybody's religion. The UN's also been in favor of world peace for the last 60 years, and look how that's turned out.
  • Here's a negative review of John Travolta's film Battlefield Earth, which is based on the holy writ of L. Ron Whatsisname. Clearly this is an offense against the holy name of Xenu, and John and Tom are going to come looking for you.
  • Believe it or not, even our Glorious Leader is a blasphemer. Seems that when he was in Japan, Dubya bowed at a Shinto shrine. Someone really ought to explain to the fundies that George only did it because he thought the shrine was the one where the war criminals are buried, and the bow was done strictly out of professional courtesy. That ought to make them very happy.

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